I-Newsletter Archives -
Family & Friends Connections
Celebrating Through Teaching (July 2009)
School is just around the corner. Hard to believe summer, not the heat, is nearly over. What it means to most parents is that we start thinking about what we will need to do and prepare for in the coming school year to best support our kids. While getting a brand new backpack, folders and pencils can be part of that, what are we doing to prepare them to be compassionate with the kids who won’t be getting a new crayon set? Teaching and shaping our kids doesn’t start when the school bell rings. And it shouldn’t end when they walk out of the classroom.
Instead we can focus on quality time – summer, fall and beyond - exposing, teaching, talking and venturing into the real world building empathy and understanding of others. Mentoring and modeling the qualities of being a change-maker can be better than any gift ever given at a birthday party. Gifts of “perspective,” getting along with others, thinking first what commonalities they have with others instead of jumping to differences will be gifts that pay off long into their adulthood.
Some have noted that 95 percent of what a child learns is through direct experience. How are we engaging them in the “experience” of life? What’s our own curriculum that we craft to have them excel in being a good human being?
For your ongoing study, consider the following ideas:
Divided Love: Staying True to Self (May 2009)
Being a mom is the biggest job in the universe. The impact you can have is profound. You could be nurturing the person destined to cure cancer or one that will spend their weekends serving hot meals to the homeless. You could inspire your child to lend a friendly ear to a classmate in need or be the voice of reason who encourages your troubled teen to stay in school.
Big or small – all important feats.
In fact, Thomas Edison said "if we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves." How do we help our kids find their capabilities?
Much of it could be as random as dandelion wisps blowing about on a breeze. You worry, do your best – sometimes you do it better than others – discipline, cuddle, calm, teach, lead and love. But when you do it in a divided household it feels even more random and there are many unknowns. But because my kids are lucky to have a loving and committed dad, I don’t worry about what’s missing. I worry instead of their confusion over living two lives and needing to constantly asses and assimilate throughout the week. Perhaps it will make them stronger and allow them to take the best (or what works for them) from both homes and become their own individuals.
I spent 10 years training in martial arts and moved around the country during that time, starting and stopping with new masters and different styles. I recall being lectured by one instructor that his art was the best. I was confused. But I soon figured out I needed to blend the teachings that worked best for me. This is true with lessons from past bosses, friends and relationships. Perhaps this is how we find our own unique self. Consider then that a mom’s biggest job might be to make sure the child’s "unique self" is allowed to thrive despite the many things that come at them.
A prominent and influential Greek statesman, Pericles, said "what you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others." Time to get weaving...
Celebrating People Who Change Your Life (April 2009)
Isn’t there a saying about how people come and go in your life and you forget them, but that the one teacher who inspired you to transform your path sticks with you forever. I still have fond memories of a teacher or two like that. But teachers come in all shapes and sizes, as well as times and place in our lives.
There are three “teachers” I’d like you to know a little more about and they’re all being celebrated this month!
Many years ago, Denise Resnik sat across from me in a meeting about sustaining the arts in Arizona. From that day forward I knew I wanted to know her better and we’ve been connected ever since. Since her son Matthew’s diagnosis of autism more than 16 years ago, she has taken a disorder that was shoved to the back of the closet when one in 100,000 were diagnosed, to a regularly discussed community issue now that one in 150 children are diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. FOD is an acronym used by those who know Denise. Her relationship-building talents and true community-building skills have created a corps of folks fondly known as “Friend of Denise” or FOD. Those who have had the opportunity to serve on her board at the Southwest Autism Research & Resource Center (SARRC) simply say they are there to serve as an FOD.
I could go on and on about her successes in running her PR firm, or the amazing miracles and growth seen at SARRC (please email me at Rhonda@inspiredconnections.net if you’d like to join me at the annual SARRC breakfast this April 23rd to learn a bit more about the Center’s extraordinary efforts), but it’s almost Phoenix folklore. She’s won local and national awards and is being appropriately feted as this years’ Valley Leadership Woman of the Year April 16 at the Arizona Biltmore.
But the other stories about Denise you may not have heard: like the one when she calls you after the SARRC breakfast where 2,000 of her closest community friends had just gathered and leaves you a message thanking you for all you do and making you feel like you’re the most important person to her at that moment. Or the one when we’re out on a hike to catch up (multi-tasking is a must in our worlds), sharing highlights and laughing about our 1:00 a.m. emails because she’s juggling more than any human being should be challenged to, or perhaps it’s the midnight disruptions by her son Matthew or the community work she’s trying to fit in because it’s the right thing to do. She never complains; she rarely even gives a hint of frustration.
I think one story that epitomizes Denise best is when I got a call from this year’s Man of the Year asking me “how does Denise do what she does?” How ironic from the man, Marty Shultz, who gives new meaning to having multiple projects and issues spinning in the air spanning every major topic in our community. But more on Marty in a minute.
I think I’ve discovered one of Denise’s secrets. It’s her DNA. She has the support and love of one of the more extraordinary families I have ever met. They work in a shared office, they vacation together and they simply support one another through whatever life challenge or celebration comes before them. It’s simply magical. If we could clone the Driesezun/Resniks, the world would be a better place instantaneously. They inspire me every time I see them and every time I hear another story.
"Marty is Marty" many might say. What that means to different people is different. But there is no getting around the legacy he has built over decades of work here in the Phoenix community. One minute he has his lobbying hat on and is mixing it up with the legislature and governor. The next he’s a champion at the Human Services Campus that serves thousands of homeless people. He can talk solar, transit, taxes and anything ASU. He can nearly work a cell phone, Blackberry and office phone at the same time. He can be as passionate about raising money for the homeless or wanting to see improvements in education, to discussing the intricacies and changing dynamics of the power industry. But no matter how many things he’s juggling or the challenges that may have crossed his path, he is a welcoming gentleman to the security guard at APS headquarters or the CEO around the board table. And he’s always trying to help. Man of the Year? How about for many, many years.
Need more info on Man & Woman of the Year Annual Luncheon? Help us celebrate Denise Resnik and Marty Shultz April 16th at the Arizona Biltmore. Register online or call 602.952.6760, ext. 3.
While Denise and Marty will be celebrated with videos and speeches and standing ovations for sure, a smaller celebration will occur for Jacob Crespo, a young boy who died one year ago April 24 of a brain malformation that wasn’t discovered until it was too late. This 8-year-old didn’t have decades to share his amazing goodness with the world, but he still left his gentle imprint on the people who knew him and our planet. You see, Jacob and his mom were behind the nonprofit Children for a Safe Environment, that focused on issues central to kids inheriting a clean place to live. He was an activist and a champion. Jacob also was mindful of others. He collected goodies for animals and donated them to the Humane Society at his eighth birthday and he was planning to collect presents to benefit the Phoenix Children’s Hospital for his ninth birthday. He never got to gift wrap any, but he made a donation for sure – of eight organs to go to seven Arizonans who now are living better lives because of this young man.
To celebrate Jacob’s legacy, a chair made out of recycled and reused pieces has been constructed and will be unveiled on his special day, April 24, as part of ongoing Earth Day celebrations. The idea came from an Inspired Birthday and one of Jacob’s classmates. The construction has been a community effort with most of the roll-up-your-sleeves work done by James Varela. James said “yes” not knowing Jacob at all. He was simply moved to help by the little boy’s story. A few other individuals and companies have contributed – each one motivated to make sure Jacob is aptly celebrated.
The chair will be installed in an outdoor walkway at Madison Heights school where Jacob last scooted into his own second grade classroom chair a year ago, eager to learn, play and do good. Instead, this “empty” chair will now be a daily reminder to the elementary students who pass by it that they can carry on the important and critical environmental stewardship that Jacob’s short life represented and that he so courageously stood for.
What better time to create some of your own earth-friendly habits! If you are at a loss for ideas, check out the Inspired Connections eco-tips here.
Time to Celebrate…in this Economy? (March 2009)
What? You’ve got to be kidding. Shrinking 401ks be damned! It’s our friends and family who matter now more than ever – working together, sticking together, and celebrating one another. This is a perfect time to re-evaluate what matters most.
Through the years, Inspired Connections associates have done our share of putting on big and small events celebrating people for great honors – like the ATHENA Award or the Small Business Person of the Year Award, DREAMRs of downtown revitalization, sports champions, and men and women of the year. In fact, don’t miss the special honor of Denise Resnik and Marty Shultz coming up at Valley Leadership’s Man & Woman of the Year program on April 16 and celebrate two very amazing people close to the Inspired Connections team. (Get tickets at vl@valleyleadership.org or call 602.952.6760 ext. 3.)
There is not a better moment in the event planning effort than standing in the back of the room watching someone be recognized for their good work. It fills your heart.
There are many people in our community who may never take the stage to get an award, but we know they are the true, roll-up-your-sleeves, do-gooders who make it happen. They deserve our recognition just the same and so to do that, we’d like to announce the start of our “Be Inspired” Award – a monthly recognition of those you know, or even someone you see in the mirror every morning, and those you may not know but should. We invite you to tell us about someone you know who deserves the praise – even if it is a virtual standing ovation. Simply email us at info@inspiredconnections.net and we’ll consider running your nominee in a future newsletter issue.
And now….the inaugural “Be Inspired” honoree:
Kathleen Bartolomei is a
quiet, sweet, diligent community leader who recently returned to the Phoenix
area after having already left an imprint in the years she spent here
before. She’s working in partnership with Scott Jacobson and serves as the
perfect yin to his yang…for those of you who know Scott! They’re working
diligently to take the Human Services Campus beyond its innovative
collaboration of 12 agencies into a state-of-the-art sustainable campus that
will help train the clients in new, sustainable jobs, bring new dollars to
assist with the ever increasing need, and to re-engage the community. This
work usually revolves around Kathleen’s unique “Chat and Chews” that mix
salads and tortellini with insights and updates on the campus and its work.
Kathleen is the glue that connects, the chef that warms your tummy so you
feel welcome and loved and the empathetic soul who is always checking in or
asking how she can help. She calls randomly to make sure the “players” are
up on the latest news so they can advance their own efforts. She cares. And
she’s funny and seems to have fun making bundt cakes. Who could be more
deserving than that? Keep up the great effort Kathleen. You’re a grand
humanitarian!
Lightening Can Strike Twice: Lessons Learned from Bobbing on the Hudson (January 2009)
My friend Eric crash landed in the Hudson. Yes, I recently got word a week ago that he was one of 155 passengers on board Flight 1549. Eric grew up in Phoenix and I met him while we were active in student government at the University of Arizona. Now he lives in France. He ended up in Europe because of another airline incident. In 1987, he was on a plane that nearly crashed after takeoff from LA. It made him take stock of what he was doing with his life. It was all good – working at major companies and moving up the ranks. But it wasn't enough. He sought a different lifestyle.
Now this. While he's still trying to let this second incident sink in, it's obvious what came front and center into his mind as it was all unfolding:
 Eric is circled in red as he and other Flight 1549 passengers are rescued. |
"I was in New York for a major retail conference and planned to visit a close friend in Virginia for the weekend. My direct flight was cancelled and I was re-booked via Charlotte, NC -- so I wasn't even supposed to be on flight 1549. I had seat 12F, over the wing, just behind the second exit row. About 2 minutes after takeoff from LaGuardia I saw a brown "cloud" of birds, followed by several large thuds and the smell of burnt meat. The passenger next to me and I discussed that the engines were designed to handle bird strikes.
About 30 seconds later the pilot told us to "brace for impact" and the cabin was eerily quiet. We headed down the Hudson and it appeared we were aiming for Newark Airport. But our altitude decreased dramatically. I took out a business card and quickly wrote "I love you" to my mom and sister, and then shoved the card in my pocket so it wouldn't get separated from me on impact."
Eric was united with his mother and sister, thanks to US Airways. And he has nothing but kudos for our hometown airline and all the volunteers who pitched in to help the passengers. But there's more…
"The effect on my relationships is yet to be fully seen. However an event like this causes one to re-prioritize all that's important in life. Relationships with family and friends top the list. Small deadlines and issues at work quickly head to the bottom of the list!!
My mom and sister were so relieved to see me last weekend in New York. They knew over the phone that I was ok, but seeing me in person made all the difference. I think this kind of "life event" helps to strengthen bonds between parents, kids and friends.
Be thankful -- each day is truly a blessing and a gift!!"
The moral of the story – don't wait to be told to "Prepare for Impact." Connect now!
Connections that last a lifetime (October 2008)
It’s been nearly 30 years since I graduated from high school and left my childhood neighborhood. But no matter how long it’s been, how far you’ve moved away, or how busy life gets, important relationships will stand the test of time. When the father of a long ago friend passed, “the girls” lined up in the church pews for the funeral service…just like we sat on the sidelines of a football game years before. We were there for Sheila. We were there for her many siblings, and for the memory of her father, Jim, who made it a point to make family and giving to others his life legacy. Oh…and cheering for Notre Dame too.
It’s not often we can show that our friendship really meant something “back then.” Simply being there and present for her at the service was one way. But the lesson to those sitting together to remember Mr. Dresser was profound. He and his wife, Mary, always welcomed their children’s friends into their home with open arms. It was a home of celebration, a home of friends, a home of inspiration and a home filled with love.
Jim spent many, many years of his life in ministry within the prison system – a hard effort to be sure. But I think we he understood that his richness of family and love needed to be shared with others whose lives took different turns, but needed a sense of connectedness regardless of their life path. I didn’t know this part of him despite growing up just around the corner from the Dresser household. But I do now, and it reminds me that the steps I’m taking now will impact my own children for years to come.
Knowing Stacey
While some legacies are built over decades, some are cobbled together more
quickly. Stacey Pawlowski’s was cut short, but will live on through friends
and her young boy, Jack. Cassidy will make sure of that.
Cassidy Campana and Stacey Pawlowski were good friends since high school. “Stacey and I met in high school at Xavier (almost 20 years ago!!), but we really re-connected in 1994 when Mom (Sam Campana) ran for Mayor. She was our lead fundraiser and the only other young woman in those war rooms. She was just awe inspiring - so talented and sure of herself. And we became inseparable over the past 10+ years in both work and personal life. Stacey helped me start my own business in 1998 and then again two years ago.
She passed away just about two months after her 39th birthday and her son Jack is just 22 months now. She was diagnosed with the first spot of breast cancer toward the end of her pregnancy and began treatment just after he came into their lives. Jack's just the best kid - and looks just like her. For about a month, he wouldn't call her mom. He called her “Stace.”
Now, Cassidy has the opportunity to continue this friendship through Stacey's husband, Will, and son Jack. Cassidy’s about to spend time with Will sorting through Stacey’s things so that little Jack will be able to rediscover his mother throughout the various stages of his young life. She doesn’t know what’s ahead for this little boy left without a mom, but she’s carrying her lessons learned into other important relationships:
Tell your friends you are proud of them. It’s powerful.
Discover the difference of "want to" and "have to" in your real life. Do you make time for the people you want to be with?
TAKE PICTURES.
Have your will, trust, powers of attorney and estate planning done. (Stacey did a great job of this.) But make sure that your spouse or best friend or sister/brother knows where these documents are in an emergency. And don’t put this off.
Cassidy’s loss of her closest and oldest friend provoked her to look at her circle of support and true friends – the ones you know will be there in your time of need, now, or 30 years from now. The friends who span a short or long life; the ones who will be there to honor your friendship at your moment of need. Whether you’re able to nurture that relationship on a daily,weekly or monthly basis, or whether it’s held together by only sporadic gatherings for special occasions, it is the foundation on which it was built and the meaning you choose to give to it that will define it for you, and thus how you choose to act in those defining moments.
“We all have lots of acquaintances, but we rely on these few close friends and tend to take them for granted because they have been with us for so long.” Which kind of connections are you creating in your life?
Traditions Can Turn to Deep Connections (August 2008)
I recently read a letter from the editor of the Yoga Journal – not that I’m a big yoga aficionado even though I do see the major benefits in “stretching” ourselves (I just need to go more). But publications off our traditional reads expose us to some great concepts and ways of thinking. So it is from this editorial that I share the concept of “A Year of Tuesdays.” A woman shared how nearly every Tuesday her neighbors would cook a dinner for her. It started with a casual invite and turned into a tradition…and, more importantly, an important enriching friendship.
She talks about the ideas of interconnectedness, caring for one another, and the trickle-down benefits of generosity. All good things to ponder.
Sometimes, I think, we have to make our own interconnectedness. I did that about a year ago this month. I started a group of women gathering monthly to talk, discuss a specific topic, ponder life’s big questions, or sometimes just play. I know some of these women who never knew one another outside of this gathering have gone on to do business, connect personally and find real satisfaction in a new relationship developed.
Many of the people who come even call me to see when the next gathering is being planned so they can leave the night open. Many are regulars finding great value in the connections and energy shared for those few hours. To me, coming from a family with few, if any, traditions, this has become a way to feed my soul and connect with a few great women. It’s a wonderful elixir of friendship that continues to amaze me in the power and intelligence and deep down goodness of so many people I’m lucky enough to know. And now I know them better. Heck, I’ve even played twister with a few of them and been in the same room when a few bared their souls. To me, that beats sitting around eating turkey any day.
So start your own rewarding tradition. What are you waiting for?
A Reminder to Honor Those Who Matter (May 2008)
You can spend years, decades even, working with someone in the same community and still hardly know their impact. That was the case when Dave Howell, a long time community leader in Phoenix, was honored with the Anti-Defamation League’s Martin L. Shultz Community Partnership Award, more appropriately called “the Marty.”
The recent “who’s who” gathering at the Phoenix Art Museum honored Dave’s work as a community relations professional who has backed up his “giving” with years of service on nonprofit boards and influence in other areas. But the veritable “this is your life” program revealed little known tidbits about Dave eliciting remarks of “I never knew that” and “Wow!” Those wow bits of information included the numerous times he has opened his home to foreign exchange students and his work on one high school’s appropriate integration of students from different walks of life. He saw how both actions would make for a richer and diverse experience for the teens – his own and others.
Two nights later, at the Body Positive “Night for Life” gala, another Marty, Martin Katz, was honored with a Lifetime Achievement Award for his years of service in the HIV/AIDS arena. He has raised money for clinical trials, managed a legal clinic for those affected and served in leadership positions with the organization for years.
Both men had a number of family members with them to share in their honors. It was a proud moment for all – from a young daughter who got a chance to share her personal reflections of her dad to a 91-year old mom who celebrated the son who “did good.”
We could go on about Dave and Marty, but that’s not the point. The points are these:
The people in our lives have more stories and depth than the cliff notes version we typically see.
An act long ago, or even tomorrow may not be taken to win an award, but its impact can be felt years after it’s taken. It’s doubtful that Dave and his wife, Joan, started bringing in exchange students to win any recognition. And they may not have even bargained for an extended family that reaches into numerous countries and numerous lives. But what an example they set and an experience they built for their own four kids. And it’s equally doubtful that when Marty set up a legal clinic for those with HIV/AIDS that he imagined an evening under a spotlight because of the hundreds of lives he touched.
It’s never too late, or, for that matter, too early to honor someone who matters to you. Create your own award and start letting those you cherish know the impact they have on your life and the lives of others.
Congratulations Dave and Marty, for inspiring us to look deeper, act today, and be mindful of those who matter to us.
Inspired Connections can help you celebrate those who matter. Find out more about our event services, creative writing support and other offerings to help you “make someone’s day.”
Inspired Connections Supports Sustainability (April 2008)
As it is Earth month and we will all be thinking more about how we can do our part to protect and preserve the environment, our team would like to share with you a few ways that we are trying to help. We hope that you will find a nugget or two to adopt in your own busy life. And, if not, check out the new book by Diane MacEachern, Big Green Purse or head to Biggreenpurse.com.
Crystal (East Valley mom of
3):
“I was excited to receive “green” gifts for my new baby and it inspired me
to give the same at holiday time. I enjoyed putting together a “green” gift
bag of re-usable shopping bags, note cards made from recycled paper and the
Planet Earth DVD for my in-laws. On a day to day basis, our family is on a
crusade to cut down on drinking bottled water.”
Hilary (Colorado mom of 1):
“We have been living in Colorado for the past ten months and being “green”
is a way of life here. We have enjoyed learning the proper way to recycle
and most importantly, the opportunity to join with our daughter’s school to
teach the importance of protecting Mother Earth. We made a commitment a few
months ago to only use recyclable containers in packing our lunches (no more
of those little plastic bags). We engaged Eva by having her pick out her own
re-usable cloth sandwich holder.”
Louann (Phoenix mom of 2):
“When was the last time it rained in Phoenix? (when was it Louann???) Well,
you can probably tell from my car! I am trying to use Mother Nature’s
rainstorms to keep my car clean. At home, we re-use gift bags, participate
in the energy saving electric plan (did I mention we also save money?) and
fill up our recycling bins weekly. Small actions that result in big savings
– both in energy and $$$.
Jennifer (Phoenix mom of 2):
“We started a simple but easy way to save energy and money in our house:
turn off the lights when we are not in the room. Novel concept!”
Rhonda (Phoenix mom of 2):
We use a low energy process for drying most of our clothes – the sun and
clothespins. My kids an I also enjoy venturing out as a family on a mini
environmental clean-up in our neighborhood to pick up trash. We use recycled
paper, reusable shopping bags, and reuse the other side of paper to print
out drafts. CFLs are sprinkled throughout the house, as is recycled T.P. and
paper towels. Oh, and if you see me at a meeting slipping an empty water
bottle into my purse, I’m just trying to make sure it hits the recycling bin
(since most businesses don’t recycled). We carpool to meetings when we get a
chance as well.
Powerful Connections: No Wrapping Required (December 2007)
Likely what is the biggest time of the year to connect with family and friends is upon us. No matter what holiday you celebrate or don’t celebrate, the very fact that life slows down just a bit and many places close for a day or two, we are offered a gift of simplicity or rest which affords us to spend time with those we love. For some, it’s remembering those we miss. For others, it may be a time of true loneliness.
I wonder if one of the most meaningful gifts we can give is one that requires no wrapping.
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest accomplishment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. -Leo Buscaglia
Leo is right. We can share hearty laughter, a card with a personal note completely unexpected, a nice find at a farmer’s market, a call to say I was thinking of you, and more moments than we feel capable of – just listening.
What a great way to end the year – call five friends and leave a goofy message and a wish to see them in the new year. Invite someone you think might be spending the holidays alone out for a hike, a movie or a casual coffee. When your family is gathered, go over to one of the members you may not typically “connect” with, and just sit there with your arm around them. The discomfort will diminish after the first 30 seconds, but the act will be remembered for a long time. When you say goodbye after a little gathering or wonderful meal, look right into the person’s eye and let them know how nice it was to spend time with them.
It doesn’t come with a bow and you can’t wrap it in a box, but it just might be the memory or the “feeling” that lasts long into the new year.
And just to get things started….a big hug out to all of you who make the Inspired Connections world go round.
Back to the top of the page ^‘Tis The Season to Consider Family And Its Many Shapes (September 2007)
August wasn’t even over and we already saw Halloween items popping up on shelves. In early September we started hearing chatter about Christmas. With all this talk about holidays, for many it means making plans with friends and family. The definition of who fits in that circle, though, is different for many, and has changed for others.
A good friend, who also happens to be gay, was recently honored with a “Family Champion Award.” In her acceptance speech, she eloquently shared her idea of family:
A wonderful friend of mine who is with us in only in spirit tonight once said, “a family is a circle of friends who love you.” It’s a concept I’ve come to truly embrace… In today’s world, a family is typical no longer. We come in all shapes and sizes; we’re a nucleus, traditional, mixed, extended, adopted, in vitro, dysfunctional, missing one parent, having two parents of the same sex, blended, shades of white, black and everything in between. We’re married, we’re partners, we’re living together, we’re divorced. But no matter the description…we’re all human beings seeking to be connected to those in our circles through that powerful emotion of love.
For another reflection on family, we asked Tom Simplot, a noted city councilman in Phoenix, to share his ideas on family too. Read on….
About Family and
Friends
-by Tom Simplot and David Smith
As David and I celebrate our fourth year together, we appreciate this opportunity to reflect on our families and friends. Of course, when we say “family,” we mean both our “biological” as well as “logical” family.
Unlike some members of the extended GLBT community, we are blessed to have the full support and love from our immediate family members. We both have supportive parents, siblings and others. We also have our extended family, which includes single women, men and couples who are close enough to be family, and for us, they are.
We often find ourselves extended at the holidays between different family members… formal Thanksgiving Dinner at Mom’s house, followed by yet another dinner (perhaps a little more extravagant) at Sharon’s house, or Jim and Alan’s house, or at Ken and Greg’s house. How lucky we truly are. The same story plays out at Christmas and the other holidays.
Traditional family life is the norm for us, and we would have it no other way. As this generation becomes more comfortable and educated about the GLBT community, we hope it will be second nature to presume our “family” is no different from any others.
So no matter how we define our family circle,
we must be willing to reach into that circle to nurture the connections that
bring value to our lives. Upon my recent return from accompanying my mom to
a reunion with her five other siblings, likely their last, I’ve discovered
new things about my family history – from connections to my origins, to
possibilities for new relationships that could enrich my future. And by
simply taking time to talk with my uncles and aunts, and documenting what
they shared, I was privileged to hear many stories, often told with tears
welling in their eyes, and some that had never been told before. It was
history, it was honest, and it’s become my connection to lives that helped
shape mine.
As I sat down to write this, it marked the one week anniversary of the death
of four newsmen from two Phoenix television stations. It was also the day
the city said goodbye to one of its young police officers killed in the line
of duty. And today is the day I found out my friend Lindsey was dead.
It made me stop and consider their lives, their families, my life and my
family. I think all of Phoenix stopped many times over the course of that
first week. In fact, newspaper articles discussed how these tragedies
brought the community together – even if for a brief few days. It was like a
community family grieving together. Sometimes these tragedies touch us
personally. We saw them unfold before our very eyes…over and over again.
They make us reflect on what’s going on in our own lives and consider “what,
in fact, has meaning to us?”
This month’s Family & Friends reflection was supposed to be
on what I call my “Mr. Holland’s Opus” concept - the idea that we should
celebrate and acknowledge those people who matter to us…before they are
gone. I even asked some prominent business leaders to weigh in on this idea.
I asked them to share who their Mr. Holland’s were and how they impacted
their lives personally. And then I asked if they could share their personal
suggestions on how all of us could be a “Mr. Holland” to others. I have
little to share. It was likely an odd request, yes, and perhaps even poorly
communicated. That’s my fault. One response was typical – an executive had
just returned from vacation and needed to catch up and didn’t have the time
to respond. I respect that. I’m challenged with the idea of “time” every
day.
But I wonder if this is the very point of the request. When do we “take the
time” to stop and consider what, and who, matters where we might really be
needed, where we might really have an impact? Why is it “after the fact”
that we gather to think about the person we lost…instead of telling them
before...with words that might actually comfort them, ease their pain, make
them feel appreciated?
While I don’t know all the details around Lindsey’s life, I do know she
often offered to help people out, and in the last several years had been
involved in several community-based efforts to help those in need. She was
multi-talented, had a good heart, and loved the idea of engaging with
international efforts. And I know for sure she loved her two children and
only wanted the best for them. Now they are left without their biggest
champion. What I’m not sure of, though, is that she had enough people
thanking her for her good work, for her kind heart, for her skills and
strong work ethic. In fact, I wonder if she had anyone just checking in with
her to see how she was doing. Was she ever asked by those of us who knew
here, “how can I help you?”
With memorials for the newsmen, a fallen officer and Lindsey’s passing
wrapped up for now, I’m reminded to thank a few of my own Mr. Holland’s:
Beth, Eileen, Denise, Louann, my sister Sandy – thank you for impacting my
life in ways you will never fully know. Alison, Sevak and many others - know
that you are bright lights in my life …especially when dark days take over
our sunny skies. Thank you for “just checking in.”
Who is your Mr. Holland? Perhaps it’s time you checked in.
THE MR. HOLLAND’S OPUS FOUNDATION (MHOF) supports music education and its
many benefits through the donation and repair of musical instruments to
under-served schools, community music programs and individual students
nationwide. MHOF was inspired by the acclaimed motion picture Mr. Holland’s
Opus, the story of the profound effect a dedicated music teacher had on
generations of students. The film's composer,
Michael Kamen, founded
MHOF in 1996 as his commitment to the future of music education.
What it Means to be “Father of the Year” (June 2007)
- by Todd Bankofier
Being nominated as a “2007 Father of the Year” by the American Diabetes
Association can only be summed by one word, “humbling.” I’ve had many ask
me, “What do you think is the recipe for being a good father?” My first
reaction is that there are a lot of great fathers in our community. I just
happen to be one of the privileged few to be recognized. But to me the
recipe for being a good father is fairly simple: understanding that my
interests and time are no longer revolving around me, and now are focused on
my children. It is about grasping the idea of complete selflessness and
being there for them. Once this becomes understood, you will be a much more
committed and nurturing father. I am also blessed with a phenomenal wife,
Kimberley, who’s caring and love is the true bedrock of support for our
family.
With three children ages 9, 10 and 12, I am blessed to know they still think I am pretty cool. I cherish the moments when my son comes to my truck each morning in the garage with his sleepy eyes to say goodbye to me, or my daughter Kylee welcoming me home at night with a big hug and kiss. Being a father is one of God’s greatest blessings. It’s the moments like when my nine-year-old daughter, Bailey, snuggles in bed with me with her blanket in hand that I know I have a special privilege of being a father and should never take it for granted. Fatherhood is a commitment of yourself to your children. And as the saying goes…they’ll be grown and on their own before you know it. I make a commitment to myself to cherish every day I have with them and realize it’s the simple moments that will create memories to last a lifetime.
In the role as father, there are many responsibilities, one of which I believe is an opportunity to help your kids understand their greater community and the need for giving back. Involve your children in your volunteer activities. They learn the value of community support from the beginning and carry it through their lives. The same philosophy applies to work. I believe decisions surrounding time at work should always be weighted toward your family first, and work second. Obviously, this has its challenges based on the kind of work you do, but the end goal is to have the intention and action focused toward your family.
Yes, the honor of “Father of the Year” is very humbling. It’s allowed me to take stock of what it really represents. As I learn more about diabetes, this insidious disease that affects 1 out of every 4 people in this country, I realize we have an epidemic on our hands. Now, as one of the messengers for the American Diabetes Association, it is rewarding to help in their work to find a cure. I hope I can have a small impact through the money we raised as part of the six month fundraising campaign surrounding the Father of the Year program. And perhaps in my role as dad, help my kids understand that they too can have an impact on people facing such challenges. Just like being a good dad, it’s about looking inward to grasp the idea that it really is about looking outward. I just can’t make any other case when I look at my children’s faces.
Happy Father’s Day…every day.
The Power of Words (April 2007)
One of my most fulfilling moments is standing in the back of a ballroom (usually at an event I’ve helped orchestrate) and seeing someone honored and celebrated for their good work. There’s just something about it that really gets me. It’s a live Kodak moment.
That’s why the Family & Friends part of Inspired Connections is so important to me. Ironically, this was not something I got from my upbringing.
In fact, my life was pretty devoid of celebration. I would often ponder, okay, vent about why my parents didn’t do more for me and my sisters on our birthdays. Aside from the one swimming party I had when I was little, which I mostly remember because there were pictures from it, it was usually the obligatory Hallmark card and small check (I guess it was cash before we had bank accounts). I’ve always felt that birthdays were the most special day for that person and they ought to feel that way…all day. And even if there was some small gift offered or an outing suggested, it meant “hey, I thought about you and I care.”
It wasn’t until about two years ago when I sat down to interview my parents to try and capture their history that it finally hit me. My dad was one of 12 kids basically brought up by his mom. They ate in shifts (and they also trudged through snow – really!). They had to fend for themselves. I can’t imagine that a birthday was a big focus. In fact, I bet some were even missed.
My mom was one of six brought up on a farm. Milking a cow was the order of the day, not your birthday. So I think my parents did for us what they could. They didn’t know any other way.
The few memories I do have might be a special line or two they wrote on that birthday card. Ah – the power of our words – especially when there are so few.
Whether the words are spoken from a ballroom podium or jump off the inside of a Hallmark card – know that there is a great power in the words you use with your family and friends. A few friends who have received my cards told me they carry it with them or keep it near their desks to remind them of the important message I happened to share. And imagine how I felt when I was going through my little sister’s home after she passed away just over a year ago and found several cards I had sent her, one tucked in a special place. I hope those words comforted her as they now comfort me knowing I told her how much I cared about her and loved her.
The power of words – they can evoke applause, the pitter patter of a heart, and memories that can shape the most amazing gift you could ever imagine.
Do you know Mr. Holland? (March 2007)
Have you heard his Opus? One of the great lines from this wonderful movie is “We are the symphony of your life.” What I love so much about this movie is that a man gets celebrated for the impact he had on people’s lives while he is still around to feel the love. Many people in our lives deserve their 15 minutes of fame…and more. Inspired Connections is thrilled to help you realize those magical moments for the people who matter in your life.
When is the last time you really told someone they mattered and how much they’ve impacted your life? When have you celebrated someone appropriately for their birthday, for a special anniversary, for a milestone or accomplishment and left them feeling – WOW? What about when someone you love is struggling with a diagnosis and it’s time they know how those around them care?
Celebratory events – big or small, helping you find “just the right words” through messaging, invitations, speeches, videos, on-line, special unique efforts when the sky is the limit, and when possible, artfully blended with the causes and organizations your special person may care about…are just some of the offerings through Inspired Connections Family & Friends.
Connecting with IC
If you’d like to learn more about how we can help your business or your pending celebration, give us a call at 602.370.3560. We’re here to help.
info@inspiredconnections.net
